Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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