The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
