so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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