Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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