I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
