Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We named our party play list daddy issues
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
