trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
