I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
