i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
