What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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