im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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