I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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