I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
