oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
