At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
