no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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