Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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