I want to have your abortion
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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