if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
