I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
