are you still at the devil's house?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
