no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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