weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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