I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
