Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
