My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Text me some of your sweat
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