I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
