Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
