I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
