Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
