alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
