Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
