I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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