you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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