i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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