im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
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like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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