You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
