bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
