Don't you send me to vm
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
