between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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