i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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