dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
