Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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