Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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