I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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