You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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