Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
