Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
