"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
