you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
