I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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