I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
