been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
