i think i have two assholes
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
