Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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