you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
