i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
