Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The air taste purple.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
