i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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