woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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