Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
