You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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