I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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