Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
