The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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