So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
